On the Eve of my 27th Birthday

Because twenty-six things would perhaps be saying too much, here are thirteen lessons about love, life, and femininity that I've learned from my 26 years on this planet.

1) Experiment. Not, perhaps, with meth, heroin, or herpes, but with yourself. Change your hair colour. Get a couple of piercings (and maybe one or two regrettable tattoos). Whenever I do something, I think, is this going to be an Oscar-worthy story to my grand-nieces and nephews when I'm at death's door? If the answer is yes, I'm likely all for it (with the exception, perhaps, of the aforementioned vices and STDs). I've been blonde and

brunette; I've been a flaming redhead, and I've gone purple and superhero-Storm-silver. I've been in braids, wigs, and weaves; I've gone au natural.

Your femininity is embedded in every part of you, and it is so beautifully multifaceted. Bring out the pieces of yourself in technicolour. Bless yourself, and the world, with all the novelty and complexity that is you.

2) Explore yourself. Dive into your darkness; find out where your demons live. Leave no part of yourself unturned, unscrutinised, and unresolved. You will be afraid, amused, and amazed at what you find lurking within yourself - but do it anyway.

Journal. Paint. Listen to music that inspires you and makes you cry. Listen to music you think you hate, and figure out why you hold the phobias and prejudices that you do. You will come out of such experiences more whole, more in touch with both your darkness and your light.

3) Accept both your darkness and your light. Accept that you are both the monster, the freak, the dark thing; and that you are the angel, the virgin, the fount of love. Integrate these two things, and come out richer for it. Do things that cater to your inner devil, and do things that cater to your inner light. You are both the innocent, and the seductress. Feel what it's like to be carnal and hedonistic, and bask in what it's like to love unconditionally. You have the capacity - and the permission - to do both.

4) The heart of femininity is rooted in so much, so much compassion, so much self-expression. Allow yourself to love. Allow yourself intimacy. In a kiss, in a stranger’s compliment, in being held. Without walls, without restriction. Allow yourself to open up to being seen by someone else, because sometimes, the things we cannot see in ourselves, others can. And they think all of you is beautiful. Let yourself fall deeply in love with someone who is in love with you, and experience what it is like to love another human, and be loved in return, so fully, in all their flaws and imperfections.

5) And in the same measure, let your heart break. Not everyone you share time with is going to love you. Not everyone is going to choose you. Let people not choose you. Feel yourself crumble with not being someone’s someone, and know, in the evergreen romance of your heart, that someday, someone will. But in the meantime, the heart needs space to grieve; it needs to know that is allowed to experience aches and fractures and disappointments. The most beautiful thing I ever heard about heart break is that your heart is not really breaking - it's opening. Let the things inside you that are torn and splintered let the light in.

6) So learn to forgive the things, the people, the circumstances that hurt you. The ones who got away, the soulmates who were not meant to be. C'est la vie, they say, and we must not judge life too harshly for what it puts in our path, no matter whether we can make sense of its rhyme or reason. You are a woman, born to dance her way through the chaos.

7) And be grateful for the abundance of your world. Be cognisant of each blessing you wake up to - your irrepressible spirit, your joy, your innermost beauty. Understand that most people would kill for how you find happiness through pain; that many would cheat, lie, and steal for your kind of strength. Know that in one way or another, you have won the cosmic lottery.

8) Be the main character of your life. If you find yourself drawn to an aesthetic, explore it. Romanticise the things you consider mundane. Make yourself the best cup of tea you've ever tasted and bury yourself in a book. Pour yourself a glass of wine and watch the sunset. Sage your bedroom and buy yourself the fluffiest blanket you can find. Order pizza and watch your favourite sitcom. Listen to jazz while you cook dinner. You don't have to be a Youtuber to make your life just as bearable, just as entertaining, or just as pretty.

9) Your femininity is a living, breathing, feeling thing. So it feel. Let it breath. Write poetry. Make art. Create something that speaks to your womanhood, that embodies everything you know about yourself. That you are giving; that you are sweet; that you are the passionate and the fiercest goddamn person you know. Tell yourself that you deserve to be your own muse. That you are gorgeous and valuable; that you deserve to be seen by the things of this world.

10) Take care of your femininity. Develop a spiritual practice. Whether you believe in God, or you believe in nothing at all, try to do something that transcends yourself; that puts you back in touch with yourself. Meditate, pray, set intentions with crystals or with the full moon. Or just be. Take a short walk in silence, or listen to music that moves you.

Go to therapy, because your emotional and mental wellbeing in an integral part of how your womanhood experiences this world. And if you can't afford a psychoanalyst, find therapy elsewhere. Find it in your hobbies; in the things that bring you peace and catharsis. Hold space for your feelings, whatever they are, and acknowledge them as valid. Because all of what your femininity is - feelings, thoughts, behaviours - is so, so important.

11) Watch how nature accepts the seasons without resistance. Whether or not you believe that trees and flowers and animals have consciousness, observe their submission to the elements.

It will rain throughout your life. It will thunder, and it will flood. Humble yourself to the things you cannot control, and be grateful for every season, for every season simply makes you

more of who you are.

12) Memento mori. Meditate upon death. Know that one day, you will leave this earth, and that it is absolutely your right to experience life on your own terms. Do not condemn yourself

for making choices that others would not have made. Be intentional about living authentically. Be intentional about forging your own path in this crazy, chaotic world, and protect it

- defend it - with all that you have.

13) And lastly, believe that you are a child of the universe; a daughter of the Divine. What you have achieved is commendable. What you've gone through is historic. Remind yourself, when you're scrolling through social media, that you are a public figure, an inspiration, a source of strength, in your own right. You are a milestone in the woven fates of life. Your existence is significant. Your existence is light.