To the man I will one day love

My love,

I have been through the wringer. Of boys who did not, could not, would not love me; of situations that never bloomed into the roses I thought they would. I have loved, and I have given, and I have cried and sang and prayed for a man to love me the way I have loved - fully and meaningfully and sincerely, with vulnerability and with honesty.

I am not perfect, and will never be so. Still, I hope someday to find you, a man whose imperfections blend so perfectly with mine, like a painting of a thousand colours we may not know the names to, but find that their marriage is utterly coherent, utterly beautiful.

I am looking forward, my love, to meeting you. After the dearth of many winters, after the death of many loves, I am looking forward to seeing your face for the first time, to kissing the wonder of someone who has finally chosen me. Because I want to be chosen. And I want to be chosen by you. Whoever you are, whatever your name. I want you to choose me as I have chosen so many others. I want you to see me, as I have seen so many others. I want you to love me, as I have loved so many others.

I am excited for the day that you hold my hand, for the day you call me yours. I am excited to belly laugh with you, to cry with you, to understand beyond any reasonable doubt that this is the man I will spend my life with.

I have photographs of us that have yet to be seen by the outside world; pictures that exist in my mind of our life together. Yes, I am a romantic. But not so hopeless as I once was. I am a new romantic, a hopeful romantic, who understands that the loss and the grief of past lovers were meant, perhaps, to forge me into the sort of woman I want to be, to mould my expectations into the love that I truly want, settling for nothing less.

I hope you are a man who is kind. I hope you are the sort of man who would give his shirt off his back for others. I hope you are a man whose light lingers in the souls of others, inspiring them - and me - to be a light themselves.

I hope you are gentle with my heart, the way no other boy has been. I hope you see me for who I am, and that you love me and choose me for all of that, and more. I hope that you make me laugh; I hope that in my darkest times, you can hoist me up to my feet, reminding me of my strength, my beauty, my courage, and my passion.

I hope that you are the sort of man who is, indeed, a man. A man who comes correct; a man who is accountable for his actions; a man who apologises, with heart and with sincerity, when he is wrong. I hope you are the sort of man who can stand tall beside a woman like me, a man unthreatened by the strength of his companion’s spirit.

I hope you are a good father to our children one day. I hope you can be a provider, a nurturer, a carer, a lighthouse, and a guide. I hope you are a good husband, coming home to me with fidelity, with a promise, each day, that I am yours.

I hope that one day, I may walk down the aisle toward you, knowing with so much certainty, that you are the man I’ve been waiting for. And I hope, my love, that you are waiting for me, too, making your way toward me every day with the ambition and the faith of a man who knows that he deserves to be loved.

Because, you who I have never met, I will love you. I will love you as much as I can, every single day. I will hope with you, dream with you, laugh with you, walk with you through this tumultuous, uncertain thing called life. I will hoist you up in your darkest times. I will build with you a life that we can love, a life that we will never regret. I will rise to the occasion every day of the honour of being with you. I will stand by you as this world ages us, tests us, puts us through hellfire and back. Because I am a woman who loves forever. To the stranger I have yet to meet, to the man I have yet to hold in my arms, I, indeed, am your forever.